maybe we need to talk about the word “shame” as it pertains to inclusion and oppression, tumblr, because like you keep using that word and i don’t think it means what you think it means.
it’s not being used in the textbook-dictionary-definition sense — in terms of oppression, you can pretty much only be shamed if it’s possible to be bullied back into a status of not existing/being invisible. like, you can shame a fat person because thin is not only considered the norm, but it’s generally the only body type considered worthy of personhood, so if a fat person annoys your or bothers you or disgusts you, you can apply society-backed shame to their existence to throw them into a light that better satisfies you — i.e., you can basically force them to stop taking up metaphorical (or even physical) space that you don’t want them to occupy by throwing social norms (that they don’t fit) at them until they kowtow or until you feel better.
you can shame a trans* person for being out or for expressing themselves by comparing them to what you (and society at large) views as “normal” gender [expression]. that’s where shame comes from in the context of oppression. it comes from the fact that there are a certain set of rules that society at large accepts and abides by, and can thus be used as ammunition against anyone who falls outside that set of standards.
so when you use the term “shame” regarding the majority or the group in power, whatever they may be in the context of the discussion (cis people, white people, thin people, etc.), you’re basically kind of appropriating a term used to describe a form of prevalent and deeply emotional/traumatizing oppression. because shame isn’t just saying “haha/ew gross, you’re [this].” shame is a tool used to force oppressed groups into your idea of normal/acceptable.
you can’t really “shame” someone for being cis — “i don’t like/don’t trust cis people” is not something that carries shame with it. sure, you can feel uncomfortable with that statement, but it’s not backed by the weight of societal norms. it’s not backed by laws or hate crimes or anything. cis IS the norm. it’ll roll off your shoulders eventually because if you’re cis, you go through life every day getting re-affirmed from every direction that you are The Right and Acceptable Kind. whereas trans* folk get the exact opposite. we’re constantly told that we are unfit, strange, unnatural, fake, etc. in everyday situations that you might not even think about — that you don’t HAVE to think about because you’re in the majority/group in power. like, say, using a public restroom. that’s a no-brainer for a cis person. if you’re a cis woman, it’s the stick figure with a skirt. if you’re a trans* woman, it’s a debate, it’s a life choice, it’s wondering and fearing if you’ll get told to leave the bathroom, if you’ll get reported to security under the assumption that you’re attempting to harass other women when you just have to pee.
and that — that’s what shame is. shame is KNOWING that even if it’s not right, even if it’s unfair, even if it’s hurtful and traumatic, whatever this person is saying — whatever form of shame they’re using — is true enough in society’s eyes. it’s an inescapable fact that follows you around. it’s not just a one-off comment that makes you uncomfortable. it’s a set of oppressive standards that actively limits how you can live your life safely.
so, yeah. just…i’m p sure that word does not really mean what you think it means.